Lost

I don't know what my deal is lately. I feel so strangely detached. Im hurting and i hate to admit it but im sad...

How could this be??

I have everything, literally, that i have ever needed/wanted and yet i go to bed at night fighting tears so often lately.

I just want that content satisfied feeling back.

Final Post *teartear*

Prior to this class, I had terrible blogging experiences. My ex roommate, lets call her “Ashley”, used her blog to exploit those she was involved with. Ashley used her blog as a place to seek revenge on everyone in her life and I often served as her proofreader.

Bad Kayla.

Needless to say I entered this blogging assignment with a great deal of hesitation. After the first few posts all this hesitation had melted away. People I barely knew and had never met both opened up and were sharing new and interesting things with me. Once I truly got into the swing of the blogs, it was cake. My living situation at the beginning of the class made it rather difficult to get the blogs done consistently because didn’t have one at home, but I made the necessary arrangements and was able to get my blogs done on time. The comments were a little more difficult simply because I would forget to do them and would miss the due date.  And those points always add up. Bummer!

I don’t know if ill keep my blog going. It does require a rather large amount of commitment and if I wind up with followers outside of the class ill feel guilty if I fall behind and stop posting all together. It was nice for this time to be able to say, yea I’ve blogged, but I think its going to stop there for me. I have come across a few blogs that I follow, and I may continue to do just that.  

Oliver and Cooper

I'm a big fan of the Food Network, so Jamie Oliver was not a new name to me. I had even read up on some articles a few months back about the food program he had started. Alice Cooper was a new name to me. She works out of Berkley.
Each of these two have founded programs that they hope will benefit young children by teaching them about the advantages of eating fresh and healthy food versus cheap and junk food. These two both go into schools and provide them with sustainable meals, mostly farm grown and local goodies. I personally love how Cooper has installed salad bars into all her schools.
These two people are undeniably passionate about their causes. They use numbers and statistics to shock their audience with the harsh reality of their children future. Their message is a great and admirable one, to create a better future for our next generation. The disesases these youngsters are faced with are 100% avoidable.
 Although i am doing my research paper on teenagers, i hope to cite some of the information provided in these two videos. 

My Heart People

The first person who has made the biggest impact in my life thus far is my sister. She has all the perks of being a best friend with none of the downsides that best friends might come across. Shes my blood. Shes my other half. Going long periods of time without seeing her or talking to her really kills me sometimes, but we are both at very busy (and very poor haha) times in our lives so its not always possible to get around to visiting. She is the mirror image of me with looks and personality. To say I'm lucky to have her in my life is an understatement, she is inside my head and my heart for life.

The second person is actually more like a group of people. I'll call them the Card family. This family up their homes, lives, and hearts to me. I had nowhere to go and they simply opened their arms to let me into them. I lived with them for about 5 months and was able to find stability and sanity in their home. I have forged such a strong bond with them that i call them my adoptive family. Blood, in this case, is not always stronger than water and my relationship with this family is a great example of that. I can't wait for these next few days of Thanksgiving feasts with my adoptive family!

The third and final person, not to be cliche, is my girlfriend. Relationships before this beautiful girl have been surrounded by pain and violence and all around anger. She was the breath of fresh air for me. She introduced me to true happiness with no strings attached. I'll admit, I'm a very emotional person but she always is there as a shoulder to cry on or pick on, whichever i prefer. She possesses wisdom and understanding well beyond her years. I know that she is not just my girlfriend "for now" but will be a life long friend. I'm so happy to have met her across 50 miles, and love her very much :)

Best Book

I recently just finished reading one (of many) of my favorite books for the 15th million time, titled Like Water for Chocolate, by Laura Esquirel. The organization of this fictional piece is one unlike any other. Each of the 12 chapters represents a month of the year, from January to December, and for each month there is a new recipe to be made; although there may be years in between each of these months. The story line follows Tita, the youngest girl of here family who is destined to serve her mother she dies, which prevents her from marrying the love of her life. We follow Tita month after month as she deals with the torture of serving her mother and suffers the heartbreak of watching her lost love, Pedro, marry her sister Rosaura. As Rosaura and Pedro marry and have children, Tita nearly loses her mind and her emotional sanity, but always find relief in the kitchen making authentic Mexican food for her family.

This book is a great one for anyone who is Hispanic or is simply interested in the culture. The author fuses together a heartfelt novel from one strong culture to another. This book inspires this ethnicity and the power of women, love and of course, food. Although I have never tried the recipes in the book, they all seem very do-able and would be great to try. I myself speak no Spanish, nor do I know much about my half Hispanic roots but this novel brought me so much closer to that. There is little to non bilingual writing which makes it an easy read for those others like me, but the images Esquirel shares with her readers is one that vividly portrays post modern war driven times in Mexico. I highly recommend this book!

New Perspective, Better Habits

When we first began this book, I was an avid believer in fast food. Having lived on my own for a year and living on a very limited budget, fast food dominated my diet. However, this book along with moving in with a family rather than a bunch of teenagers has changed my habits. I no longer consume the volume of fast food that I once did, and that has been due, in part, to this book. I have never put much thought into where or how my food was produced, but now I can’t ignore it. Part of me believes that this book highlights the most extreme cases of any bad fast food situation, so it’s hard for me to take all of the information to heart. That being said, I can’t bring myself to just ignore all the facts that Schlosser throws at me.

I’m on no track to adopting any kind of vegetarian or vegan lifestyle, but I now take much more care in how well I cook my own food. I make sure everything is cooked past any dangerous level, and I try to maintain generally good eating habits. I eat fast food maybe once or twice a month, and I feel so much healthier and full of energy. My wallet thanks me too J

Thus Far

This semester of school has been one of my most successful ones yet. I’m a full time student, taking four classes. This time last year, I had just about quit on schooling. I tried and failed to take my classes and it really set me back behind other students my age. I was really quite nervous to start school this fall. I had taken an online class this past summer, but the idea of having to actually wake up, attend all my classes, and even socialize with other people scared me so much. I felt like an outsider, I was still new to Oxnard and didn’t know what to expect from the people out here. As it turned out, my fears were all in vain.

My classes I’m taking are far from easy. They require lots of attention, and sometimes I am overwhelmed by everything I need to do. But I have to remind myself that this is college, its not supposed to be easy. My biggest concern is simply staying on top of it all, and coming out with the best grades I can. I’m not one to brag, but im a pretty smart girl. My biggest downfall is my laziness, it ALWAYS gets the best of me. I put myself into situations where I have the choice of following through with something for school, or indulging in some leisurely activity. The leisure tends to win over a lot. This habit is one I truly want to shake. I know that if I can manage to grow past it and to develop better habits, then I will be a much more productive student.

My motivation isn’t something I can really put a title on. Its more of an emotion, like passion. I go to school and I push myself purely for the want of doing better for myself. I’ve come from a world where kids my age slide under the radar and don’t pursue any greater purpose for themselves, and that’s not something I want for myself. I want to have an education, I want to have a career (not just a job), I want to have a comfortable lifestyle years down the line because I worked hard to earn it. As long as I keep this all in mind I know I can push myself through any challenge I may encounter on this long adventure.